This myth is damaging to both trans women and gay men alike. Such as the widespread assumption by men that women dress nice or stylishly or sexily primarily as a means of attracting men, rather than simply an expression of their own identity and feelings that day. This misconception is amplified by our overemphasis of sex and sexuality when thinking about gender and what gender means, so we can end up regarding any expression of gender as being about sexuality. They become regarded as female-like or transgender simply by engaging in a mode of sexuality that is more common amongst women than men, even though many gay men express themselves in an almost hyper-masculine way. The cultural assumption of heterosexuality is so intrinsic, we see gay men as being somehow in defiance of what it is to be a man. I think a lot of this confusion stems from how strongly we associate behaviour with gender. My own preference in addressing it is to simply point out the existence of trans lesbians (that is, trans women who are attracted to other women). A fairly common adage used to address this misunderstanding is “sexual orientation is about who you want to go to bed with, gender identity is about who you want to go to bed as.” The truth is fairly simple: gender identity and sexual orientation have nothing whatsoever to do with one another. It was even pulled out recently while Lance Bass, an openly gay man, was guest-hosting Access Hollywood. This one is impressively persistent, and unbelievably common. Trans women are just really, really, REALLY gay. (my triskaidekaphilia isn’t showing, is it?) Myth 1. Cis readers, please note that much of this can be applied to transsexuality in general.ĭebunking myths is one of those things that us skeptics are supposed to do, right? It is not my intent to contribute to the ongoing cultural erasure of trans men, and I believe their voices, experiences and identities deserve to be heard and understood. It’s about how to spot a transsexual – because not every transsexual wants you to know the truth.Originally published in two parts at Skepchick and Queereka and cross-posted here with permission.ĭisclaimer: I’ve chosen to focus this article on trans women only for the sake of brevity and clarity. This article is about how to not end up like that duped boyfriend, or some of the other men I’ve had transsexuals tell me about from their romantic histories (one, showing me a picture of a boyfriend, about said boyfriend: “He got used to it”). “Her last boyfriend didn’t find out until they’d been sleeping together for a month,” he said. “She must be an older woman hunting for younger guys,” I thought.Īt one point though, the guy I knew there leaned in and told me “She used to be a guy.” But to me, she looked like the women I’d seen in a cougar club in Del Mar skin too-tight on the face (obvious sign of a face lift), lips full in an unnatural way (Botox?), dressed too flashy for an average girl. She was dressed in a sexy teal dress, and went around flirting with all the boys. something about her triggered my “there’s something weird here” radar. Three of the girls were friends, but one was a little separate from the rest of the group. Our group consisted of five guys and four girls. A while back, I was out with a group of people in a new city.
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